07-31-2011 — “Liturgy of Thanksgiving” by The Rev. J. Cameron Ayers

  The Seventh Sunday After Pentecost & The Commemoration of Ignatius of Loyola, Priest and Founder

July 31, 2011

 Holy Innocents Church, San Francisco, California

In the name of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.

T. S. Eliot is one of my favorite authors. My favorite quote of his comes from The Four Quartets and it seems most appropriate today: “And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” It’s an indescribable experience to stand before you this morning and preside at our liturgy. I feel lucky, grateful and profoundly humbled to serve as priest once again. It is a true resurrection experience. I trust that my Jesuit training will help my homily this morning to be interesting, humorous, or at least, brief. On first glance, there could seem to be absolutely no connection between the wrestling match described in our Genesis reading and the familiar story of the feeding of the five thousand told in St. Matthew’s gospel. However, what seems to connect them is precisely how opposite is the message that they convey. While Jacob must struggle to receive the blessing of the angel, and therefore of God, the people who are with Jesus receive a free gift when he distributes the miraculous loaves and fishes. Three points come to mind. First, we are both like Jacob as well as the crowd whom Jesus feeds. If we’re honest, isn’t it true that we sometimes believe we must somehow force God to be kind to us, to help us with whatever problem is afflicting us? We all are burdened by the pervasive spirit of American individualism, by the belief that everything would be better if we worked harder. You know, that pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality. That can infect our view of God and of prayer as well. We believe that we can somehow coax God to grant us blessings if we pray harder, or do something in exchange for the desired blessing. I have certainly wrestled with God in prayer at times, offering to fast, or to do some other sacrifice if God will just grant what I’m asking. Perhaps you can think of a time when you did the same, when you were like Jacob wrestling with the angel. Second, Jesus came to show us that quite the opposite is true. The miracle of the loaves and fishes is fundamentally about God’s unbelievable generosity and absolute love. Jesus feeds that crowd as a free gift, not in response to some act or words of theirs. They don’t ask for food; it is Jesus’ idea and desire to feed them. The Eucharist is a constant reminder of this truth: the Lord loves us and wants to bless us. We don’t have to wrestle with him to make God love us. God loved us first, that’s why we exist. God has always loved us, loves us right now and will always love us, world without end. That’s hard to believe sometimes, but I want to share with you a way that I find helpful in remembering that. The way is called the Contemplatio ad amorem, or Contemplation to attain Divine Love. That leads to my third point, the amazing coincidence or providence that today is the feast of Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Society of Jesus, or Jesuit order. There can be no accident that the first Sunday following my reception as priest in the Episcopal Church is his feast day. Ignatius’ enduring gift in the history of spirituality is a program for making an intense retreat; the notes for this method of making a retreat have been compiled into a book known as The Spiritual Exercises. At the end of the Exercises is a method of prayer which is basically a way of reminding ourselves of the blessings of God and of being grateful. I learned from doing the Exercises that gratitude is the most important form of prayer, and that it is very simple to begin to practice. Ignatius has the one making a retreat review a particular period of one’s life, or even your entire life, and spend some time remembering the events and persons for which you feel most grateful. It’s important to be very specific and to try to remember as many details about these events and persons as possible. When you spend even a brief period of time doing this, you really see how much God has loved you and taken care of you. And you did not have to force God to do this; Jacob didn’t get that in the first reading today. In preparing this homily, I have felt more like one of the folks that Jesus fed in the miracle of the loaves and fishes. I have been blest by 35 years in the Jesuit order, almost 25 years in active ministry as a priest. I am so very grateful that there are in the church today my sisters, some former students who have become dear friends, some former parishioners from St. Agnes and a couple members of the Society of Jesus. And now I have found a new home, a new room in our Father’s mansion, another part of the one, holy, catholic and apostolic church. I did not expect to be in this place today; certainly to exercise my priesthood again is a gift beyond words. I want to thank Fr. Bertie, and all the clergy and people of Holy Innocents. I am profoundly grateful to the EFM and Wednesday evening communities who walked with me through the most difficult months of my discernment and transition. In particular I want to thank my Episcopal godfathers, Bill Armstrong and Sergio Morales who not only first brought me to Holy Innocents, but welcomed me into their home and family for many months at a time when I most needed hospitality and support. And that is really what my experience of swimming the Thames, of finding the Episcopal Church, has been: being welcomed home. May the Eucharist always remind us to be a people of welcome, to realize that Christ is in both friend and stranger, and that God’s love embraces all people—women and men, persons of all races and nations, gay and straight, old and young, rich and poor. Amen.